Few days back a Speach Contest was held in UK and its Topic was 'Pakistan'. One of my friend participated in it and gave her maiden speach there. She got Ist prize on her speach.
Here's the copy of her words.

Speach

Jinab-e-sadur!
Meri tuqreer ka mozou hei "Watun Se Mohubbut"
Sudre mouhturum!
Jaisa ke hum sub jante hein keh hum ne ye piyara wutun "Pakistan" lakhoun qurbaniyan de kur hasil kiya hei. Hamare buzourgoun ne upni qeemti janoun ka nuzrana peash kur ke hamare liye ye piyara mulk hasil kiya, ta ke hum upni muzhubi aur saqafti rawayat ke mutabiq zindugi basur kur saqein. Hamein ye khoubsourut mulk bheak mein nuhi mila, bulke ye khudawund tallah ka aik khas uttiya hei.
Jinab-e-sadur!
Mein kehna ye chahti houn keh hamare buzurgoun ne tu hamein ye haseen wutun hasil kur ke de diya hei lekin aub ye hamari nasul ka furz hei keh wo upne is dilkush wutun se mohubbut karein.
Jinab-e-mohturum!
Mohubbut ka taqaza ye hei keh insaan jis se mohubbut kare isse upni jaan se bhi ziyada aazeez sumjeh, wutun se mohubbut ka bhi yehi taqaza hei keh jis wutun mein hum rehte hein, jis wutun ne humein bepanah izzut di hei, jo wutun hamari shanakhut hei hum is wutun se is qudur piyaar karein keh dushmun bhi mutasur howe bagheir na reh suqe. Jub zaroorut pure tu is haseen wutun ke liye upni jaan bhi de de.
Jinab-e-sudur!
Wutun se mohubbut aik aise cheez hei jo kabhi bhi insaan kei dil se nuhi niqul suqti. Hum s sur zameen ko kaise bhool suqte hein jahan hum peada howe, jiski khoobsoorut fazoun mein humne upna buchpun gozara, aur jahan humne upni jawani ke haseen din basur kiye. Mein kehna ye chahti houn keh wutun se mohubbut aik bohut hi nirali cheez hei, wutun ki mohubbut dil mein ho tu yahan ke hur kaanta phool, hur puthur heera aur insaan pekrofa dikhai deta hei.
Jinab-e-ala!
Mein ne wutun se mohubbut ke mozou pur upni basat ke mutabik roshni dali hei. Aub mein aati houn upne piyare wutun ki taruf, mera ye haseen wutun Pakistan hei, aur is mein zara bhur bhi shuq-o-shuba nuhi hei keh Pakistan aik bohut hi piyara mulk he, na sirf hum bulke doosre loug bhi ye kehne pur mujboor hein keh Allah Tallah ne Pakistan ko bei intiha neamtoun se nawaz rukha hei, hamein Pakistan ke zirre zirre se piyaar hei.

JOKES

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the
beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?"
He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together.
At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!! He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs.
The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he'd been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said: "Come on guys, we're almost there!"

Students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They are all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. Then the professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that it is necessary that you don't get disgusted." The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked it. "Go ahead and do the same thing" he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people."

Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" - The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech which, went over well. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

Humour Writing

BOY : I can't leave you.
GIRL: Do you love me so much?
BOY : It's not that. You're standing on my foot.

BOY : May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks, it isn't heavy.

GIRL: Did you miss me while I was away?
BOY : Were you away?

GIRL: Who was that girl I saw you kissing last night?
BOY : What time was it?

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY : You love me...

GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?
BOY : Sure, what's your phone number?

GIRL: I think the poorest people are the happiest.
BOY : Then marry me and we'll be the happiest couple.

GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY : Don't you ever want to improve?

BOY : I love you and I could die for you!
GIRL: How soon?

SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?
TRACY : I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter."

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?

How To Clean A Cat

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water.

3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.

4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
NOTE: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything he can find.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The now-clean cat will leap out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

How To Clean A Dog

1. For those little fluffy ones, weiner ones, and other runty ones, see
above 8 steps.

2. For the big mutts, try the washing machine, lid down with extra spin cycle.

How To Cook A Turkey!

Step 1 : Go buy a turkey

Step 2 : Take a drink of whiskey

Step 3 : Put turkey in the oven

Step 4 : Take another two drinks of whiskey

Step 5 : Set the degree at 375 ovens

Step 6 : Take three more whiskeys of drink

Step 7 : Turn oven the on

Step 8 : Take four whisks of drinkey

Step 9 : Turk the bastey

Step 10 : Whiskey another bottle of get

Step 11 : Stick a turkey in the thermometer

Step 12 : Glass yourself another pour of whiskey

Step 13 : Bake the whiskey for four hours

Step 14 : Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 15 : Take the oven out of the turkey

Step 16 : Floor the turkey up off of the pick

Step 17 : Turk the carvey

Step 18 : Get yourself another scottle of botch

Step 19 : Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey

Step 20 : Eat out

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